¶ Chair 
The chair attacks by swinging a rectangular chair leg 180° in a random direction. Every time it attacks, it briefly stops moving.
Offense:
60 damage1.5 attack rate0.2 penetration
Defense:175 hitpoints0.3 defense4 move speed1.2 body size
Pseudo:250 ehp40 dps
¶ Grouper 
The grouper periodically dives in a pool of water, swims away, and reemerges. The dive and emerge both create a circular splash, each causing damage. While swimming, the grouper is completely immune.
Offense:
45 damage2.0 attack rate0.4 penetration
Defense:190 hitpoints0.2 defense2 move speed1.0 body size
Pseudo:238 ehp23 dps
¶ Pirate 
The pirate throws parrots in random directions which fly straight before returning. Each parrot does 1 damage up close, but scales up to the pirate's base damage at max range. The size of the parrot's size scales based on distance to its pirate.
Offense:
50 damage0.75 attack rate0.1 penetration
Defense:180 hitpoints0.2 defense3 move speed1.0 body size
Pseudo:225 ehp1.3 ~ 66.7 dps
¶ Ship 
The ship rapidly attacks in a frontal arc until it overheats. The attack period and overheat duration are identical and neither scale with attack speed.
Offense:
8 damage5.0 attack rate0.2 penetration
Defense:180 hitpoints0.4 defense5 move speed1.3 body size
Pseudo:300 ehp32 dps
¶ Slug 
The slug leaves a trail of goo that causes damage. Each pile of goo lasts 45 seconds and starts off doing 1 damage, but grows over time up to the slug's base damage. Goo turns purple as it gets more deadly.
Offense:
10 damage0.5 attack rate0.8 penetration
Defense:170 hitpoints0.3 defense1 move speed1.1 body size
Pseudo:250 ehp2 ~ 20 dps